A Small World
by Mourning Ophelia
Summary: “Heero!” Relena snapped as they entered the room with the drunken pirates, “I know that look! Stop brooding and being sarcastic in your head this instant or I’m going to throw you off this boat myself!” - 1xR explore Disneyland


"You have got to be kidding me."  

The beam of sunshine that was his charge for the day merely bounced up and down excitedly.  Her aqua eyes glinted and the expression on her face could have lit up the amusement park single-handedly.  And reflected deeply in them, Heero had the sneaking feeling that she had reverted back to her pink-limousine phase.

"Heero!"  Relena's voice was exasperated but the smile never left her face, "I never said you had to come!"

He snorted as she shoved over hard-earned money for the passes, wondering what had possessed her.

"How many times am I—are _we—in California?"  She grabbed his hand, missing his slightly flustered look, "And anyway!  You didn't have to come!  Trowa said he would have been happy to come with me!"  _

Little did she know that the great Heero Yuy would have crucified _himself _on Cinderella's Castle before he ever let Trowa bring her.

He never had the chance to go over the security for the park, nor did he get to look up the fatality rates for each one of the rides.  From what Heero could see, there were a few security guards poking around.  And, Hell, at least they checked for backpack bombs on the way in.

With a resigned sigh, he let the Vice Foreign Minister drag him into Disneyland.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Small World

By: Mourning Ophelia

Email: fish@phaedra.nu

Disclaimer: I don't own any Disney characters or GW.  Bummer.

Author's note:  This fanfiction was inspired by my recent trip to Disneyland (which, as you can imagine, was _not_ the happiest place on earth at the time), and is my weak attempt at humor. It's probably not funny at all, but I just needed a break from "A Thousand Years" and wanted to try a more sarcastic approach.

In general, the concept for it is a lot funnier than the actually story. :x

Just to warn you, this is a 1xR fiction with some cussing and a mention of yaoi. ;)  Nothing too severe, so everyone should be happy!  Happy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Relena must have thought she was being devilishly clever in her disguise.  The Winter Regional Peace Conference that had adjourned the day before had ended early, much to her delight.  It not only left time open in her schedule for this currently flight of madness, but also to shop for "normal people" clothing.  Her "01" hooded colony sweatshirt and jeans only masked her petite and slim form, rather than hide her all together.  Upon his insistence, she had borrowed one of Heero's well-worn hats (which he had to admit looked far better on her).  

On first glance, Disneyland was far too crowded and happy for its own good.  His original fears of there being a few thousand people to stampede her when her identity had been revealed had grown into possibilities of suicide bombers, homicidal dwarfs, and angry toddlers in a matter of moments.  He was used to disappearing into and away from crowds, not acknowledging and merging into them.  

And if he was physically capable of it, Heero Yuy would have cried right then and there.

Sticking her tongue out of the side of her mouth slightly as she studied the map, Relena finally spoke.

"Where do you want to go first?"

"Back into the first circle of Hell and out of the seventh."  He answered honestly.  Relena blinked and shook her head as she laughed lightly.

"See, Heero?  Disneyland is already bringing out the happier side of you!"  

Heero wondered what part of Hell was "happy" to Relena.  

"Ok!  I'll decide then!"  She twisted her map around to show him their first destination, "I say we go to Adventureland first, then Fantasyland, then Tomorrowland, and then--!"  She looked up from her planning, "Hey!  Are you even listening to me?"

"Yeah, Adventureland, ahoy."

"I always knew you were a pirate at heart!  We're definitely riding Pirates of the Caribbean first!"  She took up his hand again, and began a mad dash towards the ride.  They got on the ride with no wait and basically had the first boat to themselves.  The ride attendant seemed genuinely surprised to see people there at 8:00 AM sharp, but dismissed it as another teenage make-out session.  Heero remembered her saying that it was better to get to the park as soon as it opened and ride all the rides that would be the busiest later on . . . but being first in line to see humanoid machines swigging down beer and—

"Heero!"  Relena snapped as they entered the room with the drunken pirates, "I know that look! Stop brooding and being sarcastic in your head this instant or I'm going to throw you off this boat myself!" 

Heero scowled and dipped down on the bench of their "boat" even further, cursing her sixth sense.  At least the fake dog with the keys was cute.

Cute.  

He had spent too much time with her already. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Haunted Mansion was one hell of a ride.  It broke down four times in the course of their riding it.  The first time had been just as their "buggie" departed (Heero was now infinitely proud to say he knew what "Please remained seated!" was in spanish), and the others all involved stopping at moments where something would jump out on a timed mark.  Relena would scream and jump, clinging to his arm every time.   It wasn't that he minded, oh no, not in the least—he just had to wonder how many times the girl could be scared by the same exact fake head popping out of a coffin.  

Thunder Mountain was one hell of a ride in the sense that it nearly gave him a heart attack every time the train picked up speed.  At every sharp corner or drop, the feather light girl would virtually fly out of her seat. There was no trusting the safety bars; there was also no trusting the safety report and license of the ride that had been "conveniently" filed elsewhere.  

_'_Mission___ accepted.'_

Heero used the next sharp turn to pull her tightly to his side, holding her in place.  If Relena had noticed, she didn't protest.  Every twist of the tracks brought them closer together, and he could almost hear Relena's heart racing.  Her cheeks were flushed a lovely pink from her excitement and the air.  The floral scent of her perfume and shampoo were intoxicating—

"Heero!"  Relena's embarrassed voice cut in, "I think you can let go now."

Standing above him like overlords of death were the two ride attendants and dozens of other death glares from waiting park visitors.  Amazing how fast their train had emptied out.

And as you can imagine, they walked in awkward silence all the way to the Indiana Jones ride.

It was the first of many upon many long lines they were to encounter.  Relena had no regard for the sign that said an hour wait; she merely marched up and stood at attention in line.  Running a hand through his unruly hair, he came up along side of her.

"I'm sorry I made you come with me."  Her tone was apologetic as they overlooked the fake jungle in front of them, "It was really selfish of me.  I should have just come alone."

Heero looked up at her sharply, leaning over the bamboo railing, "It's fine."  It was the best he could to assure her that he wasn't uncomfortable.

"I mean, I didn't even think about the fact that you've probably never seen a Disney movie in your life-- that this adventure wouldn't mean as much to you as it did to me.  You were always above such childish things."  Her gaze dropped to the ground, and she almost missed his mumble.

At her returned gaze, he spoke a little louder.

"They were my punishment for when I messed up," He admitted, "And they were used to make sure I was 'desensitized' and the like."

The slightest hint of a beautiful smile etched themselves onto her features, "You cried during Bambi, didn't you?"  Her final statement was more of a fact than a question, "Every time."

Heero looked as startled as she'd ever seen him, "How did--?!"

"_Everyone cries during Bambi, Heero."  To drive her statement home, she threw her arms around his prone figure and hugged him, "It's nothing to be ashamed of!  You can watch Bambi anytime now and cry until you run out of tears and no one will care."  _

'_Except for the pride.' Both their minds amended, just as the line began to move again.  And even though they had entered the darkness of yet another waiting room, the both couldn't help but feel like the situation had been made infinitely lighter._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Splash Mountain was another conquest that he would have to leave off of future resumes.  If he had been expecting something dangerous . . . something breathtakingly horrifying . . . 

He had chosen the right ride.

What the hell was wrong with Disney, that they would include singing animals in almost all of their rides?  But, more importantly, how did Relena know every single word to the song?

 It was a question that truly begged to be answered.

"Relena, if this ride doesn't end soon, I'm wading my way back to the top." 

"Lighten up, Heero!  It'll end soon!"  She had begun to rhythmically tap her hands on the front of the log.  The girl had insisted that she should sit in the front and he behind her.  It was uncomfortable for him that he wouldn't be able to shield her from any flying projectiles, but he had gotten the chance to tighten her safety belt himself, so all was well in Heeroland.

He spider senses began to tingle at the sight of the hole of light that was now staring them down.  

'_No fear.' His mind told him, '_No f-eeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrr_!!!!!'  _

Relena dropped out of his sight in the next moment, and a flash of light nearly blinded him.  A bomb!  His mouth opened and closed soundlessly as the log hit the water below.  The tsunami-like wave that hit him full force seemed to pass directly over the other couple behind them, leaving him the only one soaked.  

Relena popped back up from where she had ducked, laughing hysterically.  Her completely dry features were more than enough to set him off.

"You think that was funny?"  She turned to fully assess him as the log drifted back into its docking bay.  His hair was plastered down against his head, his jeans and red flannel and undershirts were both soaking.  An adorable scowl had plastered itself on his features as he crossed his arms over his chest indignantly.  

"No Heero," She began with a serious face as they stepped out of the log, "That was _hilarious."_

And although he hated to admit it, a little part of him agreed.  

And that little part was horribly smashed and mangled into pieces when he found out she had bought the picture of his horrified face.  She explained that it was a keepsake, something to remember him by when he left on a mission or died some horribly gruesome death (what was worse, his mind assessed, was the fact that she had said this all with a smile on her face), she could at least get a laugh out of it.

Heero should have realized the trouble he was in, and how truly whipped he was, when she insisted that they should ride the Winnie the Pooh ride to get him out of the cold.  He suspected she felt a little guilty for her trick, but was otherwise unmerciful on his poor, tortured soul.

The blinding colors and sheer intensity of the black lights almost caused him to have a mental break down.  You hear stories about old war veterans jumping at loud noises, or ducking under desks when planes flew over.  This was not like that.  He was still a soldier, he would not break.  He would see the ride to its completion.  He would make Relena happy.

He would _not cry when the ride attendants thought it was funny it send them through against their will for a second and third ride.  _

And as they broke back into the sunlight, he wasted no time ripping off their safety bar and handing it back to the shocked attendant.  Turning around to help Relena out, he couldn't help but notice how frazzled the ride had made her too.  A simple smirk crept onto his face as they headed towards the Jungle Boat Tours.

But since no gods of luck were on his side that day, the boat broke down about halfway through, and he was now being repeatedly soaked by a metal Elephant-Hippopotamus hybrid.  It wasn't so bad at first; the "Tour Guide's" lame jokes had been silenced by an ever-persistent Death Glare, and he had very lovely company at his left.  However, when the aforementioned lovely company began to delicately cough at the gasoline emissions, the Perfect Soldier took the matter into his own hands.  

Shoving his way to the back of the boat, he let neither foot nor leg hinder him in his quest.  When he reached the engine at the back, it was a mere moment before the boat sped back up.  And although a good twenty people applauded him for his brave efforts, he couldn't help but feel the slightest bit . . . happy at Relena's smile; a true reward from a princess to her valiant knight after extinguishing the flames of a dragon.   He let her rest her head on his shoulder, glad to have the chilled breeze as an excuse for the color that had flushed onto his cheeks.

The Tiki Hut with the singing birds and living walls was something he never wanted to experience, let alone _think_ about, again.  And yet, the entire time they were in the room being serenaded, he could only think of one thing:

 Duo would have_ loved it._

It was around lunchtime, and even though his stomach protested it greatly, he unwisely let Relena climb into Tarzan's tree without him.  She promised him that it would only be a few minutes, so he had begun to worry after two (Because two was a few, right?  Right.), and became restless after three.  

What was more was the fact there was an unwatched toddler drifting dangerously close the edge of railed stairway.  Heero's eyes narrowed slightly, meeting the green eyes of the little boy.  He was daring him to jump, just _daring him to slide through the bars and plummet to his untimely death.  _

And, because his day could apparently get a thousand million times worse, the kid listened. 

His mother screamed, but Heero moved faster, shoving several bystanders aside.  He actually had to dive to catch the kid, rolling through various legs and strollers.  The people around him formed a circle as he rolled onto his back with the toddler safely on his chest.  Almost instantly, his mother and Relena were hovering above them.  

"Mama!" The squatty child lifted his arms and waved them in the air, "Carry me!"  The woman swept him up and kissed him repeatedly on the face in relief.

'Thank you so much, young man!  You're wonderful!"  

"Hn."  Heero had moved into sitting position, shaking his head slightly to clear it.  As per usual, the world savior was unaffected by the show of gratitude.  After blowing himself, thousands of mobile troops, and Libra (thereby saving the world from eternal night, mind you) up, something as insignificant as saving a suicidal toddler was no ink on his professional resume.  When his vision finally steadied, he was rewarded with the beautiful sight of a petite blonde in front of him.

"Heero!  Are you all right?"  He nodded gruffly, forcing himself to his feet and ignoring the enthusiastic cheers and praises he was receiving from the crowd.  Uh yeah, where were they when he destroyed Libra and saved them from the aforesaid endless night of chaos and destruction?

A frown still marred her delicate features, "I came out just as he was falling. I'm so glad you were there to catch him."

"Why are you crying?"  He gave her a side glance as a Disney employee marched up to slap free lunch tickets in their hands.

She stubbornly wiped the tears from her eyes, "It's nothing.  Let's go get some lunch, boy wonder."  Her body began to slip through the crowd.

He couldn't help but feel a little depressed that instead of a smile or hug, he had been given tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Relena had chosen the spot to each their lunch.  Heero had dutifully offered to carry their trays out to the table.  Such was the way of their usual routine.  Around them, thousands of children screeched at the top of their lungs, the rides in Fantasyland had annoyingly clashing music, and the garbage cans nearby were over-flowing . . .  but the situation was otherwise perfect.  

She chewed thoughtfully on her Mad Hatter Salad, and he on his Prince Charming Burger.  The far-off look in her eyes didn't leave; it became even further inset as she gazed longingly at the spinning tea cups.  In a way, they reminded Heero of cats that had eaten too much catnip.

Not that he would have any experiences like that with Relena's cats.  Most certainly _not._

He was trying to wipe the guilty expression off his face when she let out a sigh and put her fork down.  

"What's wrong?"  Maybe if she wasn't happy they could leave . . .?

Another sigh, but she gave no reply.

"Would you like to ride those next?"  He nodded his head in the teacups direction, and mentally tortured himself in more ways than one at the suggestion.  

"No, I think I just want to go back to the hotel."

Uh oh. 

"Does this have to do with the little kid?"  Heero unconsciously dumped his onions in her salad and she surrendered her tomatoes without a second thought.

"Sort of.  It's a little silly."  She laughed lightly and handed him the pepper as he passed her a napkin.

"You seem to forget where we are, and what we're doing.  Nothing up to this point could possibly be any less 'silly' than what's bothering you."

"It's like this;" She passed him the salt before he could reach for it; "A lot of these parks were closed because of the war.  None of the parents could afford it, and a lot of the rides were scrapped for extra metal."

"And that's what's been getting you so upset?"  He leaned over to brush off a piece of lettuce that had fallen on her sweater.

"No, yes, well no—!"  She sighed again dabbing excess mustard from his face, "You and I never got a chance to do anything like this when we were younger.  It makes me appreciate things so much, and it makes me so happy that kids will know this sort of future and not the one that we did."   

Heero gave her a resoundingly unemotional look that somehow conveyed both sympathy and tenderness at the same time.

"And when I saw that kid fall, I mean, it sort of crushed my dreams that someday soon all children will have a chance to grow up in an environment that's magical and friendly.  And when we become adults and have our own children, I think that there will finally be some real appreciation for places like this. And that's why I think the next generation of children will be the happiest the world has ever seen."  She looked like she was about to cry again, even as she steeled her face against it.  

"Relena," He began, his voice rich with emotion and promises of the future as he ignored the six year old throwing up his macaroni to his left, "I won't let any of our children fall from Tarzan's Playhouse."

He couldn't figure out why Relena suddenly looked like Wing Zero was about to step on her.

"Your children!  _YOUR children_."_ He quickly corrected, surprised at his own outburst._

But the damage was already done, and there were no tears this time around.

Instead, Prince Charming received a kiss on the cheek.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Relena had forgotten to mention that Disneyland had begun to hire child molesters as their living characters.  Beneath the dull, plastic eyes were the workings of true criminal masterminds.  The way that they embraced the children and posed for the camera . . . the way they brought a smile to her face . . .

It just wasn't _natural._

A bitter glare crossed his features as he quickly left her by them to go get the cotton candy she had been craving.  When he returned, he nearly dropped it.  A Pluto dog had wrapped his arms around her from behind, and was "pretending" to lick her face.  Relena merely laughed; unaware of the danger she was in.

Heero was a male, and therefore understood a few things about how things worked in the world that he believed she was too innocent to know.  He knew how beautiful she was, and how huggable her body was.  

He also knew that Pluto's cotton-stuffed tail shouldn't be wagging the way it was. 

Coming up behind Pluto silently, he used his first three fingers to simulate the gun he so wished he had.  Pressing it into the costumed man's back, he leaned in and whispered, "Let her go, dog, or I'll skin you myself."  

Pluto immediately released a confused Relena.  She glanced around, wondering what she had done to upset the dog so much that he would be running down towards Main Street in frenzy.  Heero offered her cotton candy and a smile, and the situation was instantly forgotten.

Relena insisted on going to see the "Mr. Lincoln" show.  Heero was vaguely impressed by any history in general, so he thought that he might have finally found his metaphorical cup of tea.  Other than the fact that the noises that made it sound like someone was cutting his hair (nightmare alert, nightmare alert), it was decent.  Props to Disney for actually making something of substance.

"Relena," He began calmly as the demonstration ended, "Are you crying because you were touched by the story, or because you thought that it was a beautiful speech?"

She wiped the tears from her eyes delicately, "I only hope that one day my orations will match that last one."

But the really scary thing was, she wasn't kidding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The teacups were grand in the sense that they crushed her body to his.  The Carousel was lousy because they were three horses apart.  Heero would rather have died than admitted this knowledge to any other soul on the planet, but felt that Mr. Toad on his Wild Ride could at least relate to the madness that was his current situation.  He was a kindred soul at best.

And since the day was wearing on, Relena allowed him to choose the next few rides and skipped most of the ones designed for the youngest children.  All the while, Heero decided that if he were king, A) People with strollers would not be allowed into the park B) People with B.O. would not be allowed to the park and C) No one but himself and the Vice Foreign Minister would be allowed into the park.

The Madder Horn was another hour wait, but this time it was more relaxed and Relena's mood seemed to have brightened to the point of super nova explosion.  He had been worried that their cover might be blown, but was otherwise pleased that they had kept most political talk and jargon under heavy wraps.  She chatted on happily about her latest conversation with Zechs and Noin, and how her niece and nephew were doing.  

And in one of his more introspective moments, Heero tried to picture the Great Lightning Baron's face as he was dragged on the Winnie the Pooh ride for the fourth time.  The way his hair would turn white at the sight of the swirling honey pots and how his children would mock him by laughing and pointing, demanding to ride it again and again!   A sadistic laugh crept up his throat, but was muffled by Relena leaning heavily against him.

"Woah . . ." She brought a hand up to her head as she clutched the front of his shirt to steady herself.

"Are you all right?"  He grasped her face in his strong hands, turning them toward his, assessing her features. Her pupils were dilated correctly, and her lips weren't chapped. . . 

She stuck her tongue out at him, "Gottcha!"  

Heero was not amused.

"Come on!  I had to get your attention again somehow."  

Heero forgave her instantly at her smile.  

"Anyway, like I was saying before, I don't think all of Tomorrowland has been re-opened, but there's still tons of other stuff for us to do!"

'_I will not make a sarcastic retort.  I will not make a sarcastic retort.  I will not make a sarcastic retort.'_

Heero, as you can imagine, enjoyed the Madder Horn, if not only because she was practically sitting in his lap, but because the elderly female attendant complimented them on what a lovely couple they made, and how truly beautiful their children would be.  

"They'll be beautiful as long as the girls get their mothers soft features."  He replied, earning a smile from the woman.  Relena's face turned bright red, but she had moved to help the next couple into the seat a head of them before the Vice Foreign Minister could protest.  She had been around Heero long enough to know he avoided some conversations by agreeing with something, but this—this was . . . 

He wrapped his arms around her to fasten her belt, but let his hands linger slightly on her waist, holding her firmly in place.  Her own shyly brought them back to rest in her lap again. 

This was _right._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It turned out that everything in Tomorrowland had been closed except for Star Tours.   They had decided to take their first "Fast Pass" for the day, returning five minutes before the ticketed time.  You would think that any employee would be happy to hustle the crowd through, but Ted, the Star Tours Fast Pass Nazi, would hear none of their pleas.  

"Fast pass my _ass." Heero grumbled as they stepped aside to let others pass them with the correct time.  Relena nodded idly, readjusting her hat and squinting in the direction of the sun.  When had it gotten so late?_

The ride wasn't that great, though he definitely appreciated the scenes of space.  He was a colonist at heart, after all.  Relena seemed to have been pleased as well.  

In all of the time that he had known her, she was a girl on constant move.  Especially now that she served as a way of communication between the colonies and earth, he couldn't help but wonder which she thought of as her home.  Cinq, though long (and often) destroyed was being rebuilt, it didn't seem like the Princess really had any other place to return to.   

Heero thought that these were strange thoughts for him to be having while waiting for her to come out of the restroom.  She emerged after a long parade of mothers, screaming children and diaper bags.

She looked forlorn and disgusted, "Remind me to never have children."  

He didn't ask why.

"Only one more ride, then you're free."  She gave him a sad smile.

"Which one?"  He tried not to sound too eager.

"Bah, it's ok. We can go now and eat dinner at the hotel.  It's not that important."

"Whatever you want."  Oh what a feeellllinnggg, what a wonderful feeeeeeeling . . .!

Relena turned and started walking in the direction of the entrance of the park.  As they exited Tomorrowland, she gave one final look at Cinderella's castle before sighing a heart breaking sigh, "Trowa would have loved this place . . .  Maybe tomorrow he and I can come back to ride it."

"_Which ride?"  Heero grabbed her hands and began to drag her back in the direction they had come from.  Hell _no_, Trowa would not be bringing her back here any time soon.  _

Another smile spread across her features as she threw her arms around his neck, "Thank you, Heero!  You're the best!"  

Of course he was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a Small World after all. 

"Did you hear?"  began the woman (who reminded both Heero and Relena of Sally Po, strangely enough) in line in front of them, "Someone threatened one of the Disney characters with a gun!"

"That's awful!" Another cried, pulling her children against her legs tightly, "Have they caught the creep yet?

Relena couldn't help but gasp at the shocking news, "Heero, did you hear that?"

He pretended to be fascinated by the oddities that were popping out of the building as the clock struck 5 PM, "Truly tragic." He agreed.

Relena had somehow swindled the front row of the boat, and Heero took his place next to her, glad to be away from the two gossip hounds.  It wasn't until the music began, and the first dancing electronic puppet appeared, that he truly felt sick to his stomach.

There was something strangely comforting in the fact that he had finally found the ninth circle of Disneyhell.

Relena seemed to be frantically searching for something, immune to the musical and visual poison that was unfolding in front of them.  It was some sadistic torture; at the end of every room, you expected the ride to be over.  At every turn, you could almost grasp the Promised Land.

Screw the death penalty, Heero slid down even further into his seat at the thought, send someone through this once, and he'll come out a changed man.

A gasp of relief escaped his lips as their bumper boat finally broke into the fading sun's light.  Heero was a changed man: he would never underestimate the power of Disney again.  He turned to favor Relena with a rather charming smile, but her expression was hard and focused straight ahead.

"We're riding again."

Heero's mind began screaming profanities in every language he knew.

"All right."  He someone managed to squeeze out.  He informed the attendant of their staying, and he gave Heero a sympathetic look.

He allowed this to happen another three times before his control finally snapped, "What is _wrong_ with you?"  He growled as they passed several semi-nude children machines posing as aborigines.  

"There are no Cinq Kingdom children."

Heero began to frantically wave up towards the two electronic geisha children above, "All Japan gets are two little girls parading around as whores!  I don't see why you're angry about this!"

She turned her head to the side, so she wouldn't have to let him see her tears for the second time that day.  It was foolish of her, but it had been the reason she was afraid to ride Small World in the first place.  Cinq was as much as her home as she would ever find.  She had let it down so many times by placing it's rebuilding on the back burner, and surrendering it to OZ and Romefeller.  It was like it didn't exist, and the stupid Disneyland ride only drove the point home.

"I'm sorry, I'm just being foolish again."  She plastered a fake smile on her face that Heero knew well enough to see past, "We can go now."  

The pleasant atmosphere that they had instituted before was quickly vanishing.  He fought desperate for something—_anything_—to say.

"You know," He began as he helped her out of the boat a few minutes later, "You can always write into Disney, and I'm sure they'll re-add the kids.  I'm sure they'll even make them in your likeness."  

She laughed, "They'll only ask our first born son in return."

"We could always name him Universal Studio just to piss them off."  He offered, infinitely pleased at the direction the conversation was going.  

"I think Six Flags has more class."  She argued.

"Six reminds me too much of 'Zechs.'"

"Yes, but Universal will make him sound too much like a man whore or something."

"True, this only leaves us with one option."

Relena turned her head to glance at him, "Which would be what?"

"Knottsbury Farm." 

Relena cracked up.  The way his monotone had pronounced the word, the way he said it with a straight face—

--the way the three month old child in front of them threw up all over her sweatshirt . . . OK, ew.

"I am _so, so, so sorry!" The man in front of them cried, trying to wipe her sweatshirt off.  Heero felt strangely violated himself, seeing as the 01 colony sweatshirt had been defiled, and his woman was being groped again.  And yet, as strange as their day had been, this was definitely the icing on the cake.  He began to laugh; not the normal snort or even deep rumble.  This was the full-out "I just killed a hundred men with one shot WAHAHAHAHA!" maniac laugh.  _

Relena looked a little more than hurt.

"What's so funny, young man?"  The father asked, raising a tired brow.

"Your kid just threw up all over the Vice Foreign Minister."

At that moment, it seemed like every ride in Disneyland had ceased to make a sound, and even the loud screaming of children were silenced; because in the next, the closest two hundred people snapped their heads around in the trio's direction having heard the declaration for themselves.  No one moved, no one made a whisper.

"Q-qu-ueen Relena?"  The man began to stutter, finally recognizing her for himself.  He wasn't sure if he should start begging for mercy or bowing down, so he tried alternating between the two.

"Please!"  She whispered frantically, "Please don't make a scene!  Please, I just wanted one day--!"  

The crowds were already moving in on her, trying to hug her and speak to her all at once.  Heero wouldn't have been surprised if someone came over the loud speaker and announced it to the entire park—

"Attention ladies and gentlemen! It appears that Disneyland has a very special visitor today!  Standing near the "It's a Small World" ride is none other than Vice Foreign Minister Darlian!"

God damn fucking lunatics at Disney.

God damn fucking lack of self control.

God damn fucking Pluto dog trying to molest her again.

Seeing as the situation was his fault alone, and that the terrified look in her eyes was caused by himself, Heero took matters into his own hands.  Swinging her over one shoulder, he leapt above the heads of several dozen worshipers and landed just as the cameras began to flash wildly.  Thankfully, Relena was still too stunned to yell at him or tell him how much she hated him.  

Finally finding a place to hide in one of the large trash cans behind the gift shops on Main Street brought about a different reality.

"I _hate you, Heero!"  She was crying again, "I can't believe that you would do something like that!"_

"I'm sorry."  He was, honestly.

"No you're not!  This entire time you've been dying to go back to the hotel so I can perform some other world miracle.   The only reason you _wanted to come was so Trowa wouldn't come with me."  She backed up to one of the corners of the dark trash can, "You're just a jealous bastard!"_

"Jealous?"  He was, honestly.  

"Heero!"  She was actually _yelling at him now, "Trowa is __gay.  G-A-Y.  He's been sleeping with Quatre for over two years now!  They've been helping me write a bill that would allow gay marriages to be legalized in the colonies.  If you were around for more than __two seconds, you would have seen that."  Relena began to wildly swing her arms, desperate to hit him._

Trowa and Quatre were . . .?

Er, that explained _a lot_ of things.

"It's not fair," She whispered more to herself than him, "You only care about me when I'm kidnapped or about to be killed.  And you leave randomly when I need you the most."

"That's not true."  His protest was severely inhibited by all the images the Quatre slash Trowa he was trying to force from his mind.  Like the time when Trowa had been trying to teach the five of them to successfully walk a tightrope and Quatre had fallen _repeatedly_ only to be caught by the Circus clown.  And how Trowa had taken to the color purple, and named one of his goldfish after Quatre . . . it was all quite . . . amazing, really.

"You're not even listening to me anymore."  Relena began, her voice finally collected.  She lifted her side of lid and began to climb out.  Heero caught her leg and pulled her back inside, hugging her tightly against him.

"I'm sorry."  He still was, honestly.

"It's ok," She wrapped her arms around him and returned the embrace; "You've always been a good friend to me and have given me strength.  I just can't believe you'd do something as low as reveal my identity to get out of the park."

Heero decided not to point out that her Perfect Prince Charming had a few flaws after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In some horrible guilt trip, Heero had bought her a new disguise, and was resigned to watch the floats as they drifted by on Main Street.  In exchange for promising to take on the responsibility of being her guard full-time and wearing the Mickey Wizard hat from Fantasia (The one that lit up, as the other simply did not do him justice.) she promised to never go near the living character Pluto again.  

And in the lights of the parade with her Minnie Mouse ears and new hooded sweatshirt, the smile on her face never looked quite so beautiful.  

"Heero," Her voice was happy and bright, "Why are you staring at me like I've grown a third head?"

This was his moment of truth.  He could lay down all the feelings that had been growing inside of him for the past five years.  He could finally explain why he had been so jealous of Trowa, and why he couldn't be around her for too long. 

". . . hungry . . ." was the weak response.  

Oh well, maybe another time.

"You're hungry?  You should have said something!"  She patted his stomach in a very cute manner that brought about thoughts that weren't exactly cute, so much as very naughty.  Yes, this was the girl he would marry one day.

They pieced together their late dinner from different vendor stands.  He was quite content with his churro and Mickey Mouse shaped ice cream sandwich.  In fact, it felt like his entire life had been leading up to this moment. He was with Relena, sitting across from her on the bench, eating two of the best god damn foods in the world, and the stars shining brightly above them.  

"I know you won't like this idea very much, but there are only two more shows that I want to see . . ."

"It's fine," was his now-automatic response.  The lights on his wizard hat blinked smartly above him.  

It seemed like Disney was trying to make up for all the crap that they had put the two of them through.  The Light Fantasmic (Heero was desperately trying to rid his mind of the word that that rhymed with it and began with "org.") show was lovely and . . . lovely.  Quatre would have been genuinely touched at Mickey's victory.  Hell, Quatre probably would have liked to _touch Mickey—and, OK; bad thoughts stopping there. _

Against his better judgment, he let Relena stand on the bench so her slight frame could see above the thousands of heads that had lined the body of water in Adventureland.  The beginning of the Magic-Wish-Whatever-the-Hell-it-Was-Called show was lame, but he was impressed by the sheer intensity of the fireworks display.  The premise of it was some little boy wanted to make a wish, and therefore God punished the rest of the thousands of people at Disneyland to have to sit through his whiney escapade and classic Disney music.

 Relena was enraptured, to say the very least.  

The show was wrapping up, and the Grand Finale nearly blinded him.  This was a sure sign in his book that Disney still held some sort of personal grudge against him. 

"Heero." she whispered as she leaned down to meet his ear.  The final firework shooting star had begun to streak across the night-time sky, and he could feel the warmth of her breath against his nearly frozen ear, "Make a wish."  

'_Mission__ accepted.'  A smile stretched across his face.  He brought his arm around the back of her legs as he turned, throwing her over his shoulder once more.  She let out a girlish shriek and laughed.  _

"Where are we going?"  His pace increased as they headed back in the direction of the hotel.

"To make my wish come true."


End file.
